Chapter 12: Dare to be Stupid
Put down your chainsaw and listen to me
It's time for us to join in the fight
It's time to let your babies grow up to be cowboys
It's time to let the bedbugs bite
They didn't even locate a phone before they rounded a corner and almost ran directly into a bounty hunter. They didn't know it was a bounty hunter right away. But they noticed that something was up with him, because he looked at them strangely and then looked at a piece of paper he had in his pocket. "Uh...excuse me," Spike shrugged as they went to sneak by him.
"Um...Freeze," the guy instructed as he whipped out his gun. He was still consulting his paper, looking back and forth between the dossier and the couple in front of him. Finally, he seemed confident these were the guys and repeated "Freeze" with more authority.
Spike and Faye looked at each other with confused expressions. "What is on that paper?" Faye asked.
"Your bounty," the man said matter of factly. He seemed to be new to this whole process.
"Give me that," Spike snapped as he snatched the paper out of the guy's hand.
"Hey, I've got a gun here!" the newbie hunter reminded him. He somehow thought that would carry more weight then it seemed to be.
"Yeah, we've all got guns, kid," Spike sighed as he unfolded the paper. "Hmmm. I'll be damned. There's a bounty on us."
"No shit," Faye peeked over his shoulder. "Oh. That's not for very much." She for some reason found her own self worth to be in direct correlation to how much money she was appraised for at the time. "I wonder who put it out? I mean, it could really be anyone. We pissed off almost everyone we met."
"I dunno," Spike scanned the sheet. The bounty hunter meanwhile, hung out patiently in the background, his gun still raised in a half assed sort of manner. He had no idea if this was standard protocol or not. Every job had a company culture, really. Like it was understood at the Super Stop and Shop that everyone went on their breaks five minutes early. "Oh!" Spike suddenly stood up. "It's from the rental place!"
"The rental place? How do you know?" "They have us down as Emmunal Agu and associate. I had old Manny rent the car."
"Ugh. See, I told you it doesn't help to use that stupid name. I mean, if you're going to use a secret identity at least throw some glasses on. Or like a wig or something."
"Hello?" The bounty hunter snapped at them. He thought he had been more than sporting. "I'm apprehending you here."
"Yeah, all right buddy," Spike sighed. "You got us."
"I do?"
"Yeah. Book us. Or...whatever." Hell, they needed the ride. And it was extremely apparent they would have no trouble ditching this guy when they got back to New York. Faye seemed to be on the same wavelength and did not protest.
"Oh. Ok," the kid seemed genuinely baffled. This line of work looked a lot more exciting on TV. He had handcuffs though and he enjoyed using them. He had never handcuffed anyone before.
In fact, things were going so well he didn't even think anything of leaving the two bounties cuffed to the seat while he went to take a piss on the ship. He didn't even imagine that it was possible for the girl bounty to get out of her cuffs and use his comm to call a third party.
"So, you want me to come get you?" Jet sighed, as if he wasn't already on his way to come get them.
"Jet, you know you're going to so let's just cut the crap," Faye snapped. She then gave him their coordinates and slid back into her handcuffs just as Junior came back into the cabin. She smiled innocently at him and he just went right back to the cockpit.
It was about five hours before the International Bounty Inspector wanted to check out his cargo. He had never heard of the IBI before but he seemed to have all the proper paper work and he was just a few miles from the New York state border. It made sense. He wouldn't want people shipping strange people into his state all the time. "So what are you just giving them like a physical or something?" he asked.
"Yeah, that's it," Jet yawned as he ushered his two bounty heads onto the ship. It was about five minutes before the IBI ship took off.
The young cowboy looked at the void where the ship once was and sighed. He was just hosed pretty hardcore.
***
"Wow. That was sad," Jet remarked when they were safe from Junior's clutches.
"Yeah...wasn't really the sharpest tack in the box. But I guess he'll learn," Spike shrugged.
"Hey, I picked it up pretty easy. Most Likely to Sell Other People's Lives for Chump Change," Faye grumbled and then proceeded to storm right into her room and slam the door.
"What's with her?"
"Don't ask," Spike shook his head.
"Oh, and you owe me 300,000 woolongs for the car."
"Spike Person!" Ed leapt into Spike's arms, or would have if they were opened in a warm embrace. Instead he just stumbled backwards onto the couch and Ed sat cross legged on his chest. "You bring Ed souvenirs?"
"Sure," Spike shrugged. He rooted around in his jacket. "I got you a matchbook and this pen from the hotel and a bottle cap."
"Oooooh," Ed's eye lit up at her stash. Spike could tell that she had just probably formulated a thousand and one things she could do with a matchbook, a pen and a bottle cap and decided he didn't want to know any of them. She leapt off of him and flew into one of the many caverns in the ship.
Jet shook his head and sat down on the couch beside his partner. "So how was the trip?" Then he added with a sly grin, "You guys bond?"
"Spike! Where's my toothbrush!?!"
"Why the hell would I know where your toothbrush is, Faye?"
"Well, I had it when we left the hotel. Are you sure you didn't..."
"Yes, I've intentionally abducted your toothbrush for my own diabolical agenda. Is that what you want to hear?"
"I'm just asking a question. Why do you have to be such a prick?!"
"Why are you such a shrew?"
"Ugh. Bite me!"
The door slammed again and Spike and Jet sat in silence for a bit. Finally, Jet said, "You know, I think I really felt the love there."